There’s something portal about the feeling of, “we’re done”. Something like a venting of the pressure of initial ideas or expectations that move out the obvious making way for the less obvious, the flow. Like everything up to that point was summoning what we’re actually there to do.
This Summer I visited my sister Shawna as she started the process of selling her family home. After 30 years of full time parenting she was leaving her Atlanta home for the next phrase. I had to go. I hadn’t seen her in that house, wanted to see her and her life and make pictures of it.
By then I’d already shot 2-3 Lemme See sessions (my summer offering, super cheap sessions to grease the wheels, be with people, and acquaint with myself and my new camera). I had momentum and with those few sessions under my belt I was fresh with the awareness that I was in love with Delta 3200 film, my new camera but more than that I was discovering new, long time true, non-material things about my process and preferences as a photographer and person.
One afternoon it felt right. Nothing on the schedule, no one stopping by, no house showings to rush out for I told her to put something on. Anything she wanted. She’s a fancy kinda gal so an all white jump suit was it. She’d sent a selfie a few weeks earlier when her daughter was graduating in the same outfit and she looked naked and I gave her shit for it. It was perfect.
There’s always this moment where posing really can’t be kept up much longer. I make jokes to urge it along. I tell you,
“Shake around, close your eyes, look over there, think about making out or the ocean". We all do it, I do it too. The camera makes me have a certain put-on face. I don’t want to do it. I don’t think it looks “better” per se but… we have camera faces in the same way I have an Italian accent when I spoke Russian (disclaimer: my Russian sucks now). It’s fine AND I’m not interested in showing, seeing, making in that space.
Shawna was a good sport. She has been a huge supporter of my work from day 1 plus I am very bossy and whatareyougonnado?
We were getting somewhere
I love this one. Reminds me of her as a teenager, which is how she is in my mind. She’s 13? years older than me? Lil ageless angel.
Walking out of the forrest, thinking we were done, I saw this.
Oh, yeah, here it is .Yeah, okay. Here we go. With one shot of B&W film left I thought, “there it is”.
The light, her turning to leave, the conflict and constancy of chronic illness, the pesky miracle Omnipod that supports dark organs to power rare life, the accepting of life on life’s terms and being seen in it.
Walking back to the house I noticed the color on Japanese Maple…the seeing started up again,
“Look at the color in those trees!” and “Your skin!” We needed color so I ran past her, through the yard, up the stairs into her bedroom, to the bay window where the film was all the while talking to myself as I loaded the film, “skin, color, trees” as she entered the yard in her white fancy fit. Then she stopped, bent, and reached down to PICK WEEDS!
It was/is so true!
So essence of her!
I freaked out banging on the glass “WAIIIIIITTTTT!!!! Don’t move!!”
There we go. There it is.
Ka-pow!
Film & Settings:
Lomo 800: Rated film at ISO 200 “pushed” 1 stop in developing (+1).
Expired Delta 3200: Rated the film at ISO 1000
Camera- Pentax 645N
Developing & Scanning Standard Scans at The Find Lab Film Scan and Development: https://thefindlab.com/