THOUGHTS // Ultraviolet Update

Seems premature to write “update” on a forum that is so entirely uninformed about Ultraviolet Studios to begin with, but I cannot be worried and undone by what hasn’t been done. So we’ll start here.

This morning we drove to the studio after having paid the lease for the first month the day before. For me, Ultraviolet has been an act of entire faith. Not faith I referred to 10 years ago that was tied up in “knowing” or assurance but real live “WHAT THE HELL ARE WE DOING?” faith. Faith that is not seen or known. And I’ve realized its texture. Faith that is created by something unseen, but possible and magical.

I’ve been pit-in-the-stomach sick to one degree or another for well over 6 months. One of the greatest assets and appreciations that comes from massively risky undertakings is the learning. Last month, while healing from my knee surgery, I learned the difference between sinking stomach sensations of the intuition and the pit stomach sick that comes from taking a risk and stepping outside of comfort on your own beautiful behalf. I had never learned that; not in this way. In hindsight, I’ve known this distinction, but it always came to me in times of trauma or massive hardship. I didn’t know (more learning) that understanding the difference between intuition signaling and fear were felt differently when electing to elevate yourself, your family, and your community- which is what Ultraviolet Studios is all about.

So to my point- today a new sensation came to me as we walked in the studio. The familiar pit-in-the-gut groaning fear that has been taunting and ever-present since last March (when I found the studio) and grew greater and more defined in May (when we signed our contract) was quiet. Totally and completely replaced with deep excitement and a feeling that borders on conquering, We paid our first rent yesterday. Writing each little letter and number for our November check was a joy. We saved, we worked, we planned, we risked, we went without in areas that don’t count for us. Our fear of one thing (Can we afford that lease?) became a question we answered. And I’m proud of us.